Bad Resume 101 Advice From Hell on Landing an Interview

1. Make use of “special” fonts

The fancy fonts work well in floral shops and greeting cards Really. It could be that they will appear attractive on your resume, too. Remember to underline and highlight the words and phrases throughout your resume, and it is sure to impress your employer.

2. Try to look cute

Who would not want to read a document packed with adorable images and beautiful quotes, isn’t it? It’s a sure-fire way to impress your prospective manager, especially since you’ll be glued to the popular TV shows from which you draw your starry-eyed techniques to be interviewed.

3. Incorporate some unusual interests to make them more curious.

Get your employer’s attention with a game of Emily The Strange. An aura of mystery shouldn’t be a bad idea, particularly if you wish to promote your unique skills or knowledge. If you’d like them to view you as unusual, show off your ability to eat live chickens. They may give you additional credit for it, absolutely without a doubt.

4. You should be highly creative.

Do you want to be noticed? Here’s how to do it: select the most strongly-scented stationery, then sprinkle it with glitter. Don’t overlook to draw attention by using vibrant colors. It will undoubtedly help you to stand out. Imagine that your boss may even appreciate you giving them this artwork.

5. You will look hot in your photos

It’s true that you can draw employers’ attention by presenting jaw-dropping photos. You can make it look like a dirty poor application, Baby. Make yourself look like a glam hottie, and he’ll dream of you. Most likely, you’ll be invited for an interview, so be prepared and in your dream too.

6. You appear so sophisticated; you suggest the application you submitted is a fantastic bargain

There is nothing that can make a company believe in the confident and relaxed attitude of a candidate who thinks he’s superior to his employer. It will cause them to assume that you’re a genius that was unable to make ends meet and you need to join an unprofitable business similar to theirs. However, even if you’re about to help the company reach its feet, be aware that they might conclude that you’re too excellent to be a part of their team.

7. Indicate the amount you’d like to earn for your salary.

The power of money makes the world spin. Why not be entirely truthful when you submit your application? State what you’re looking for from them to ensure they don’t be shocked if they ask for more.

8. Utilize free online resume builders, and don’t ever read your resume

For those without jobs, we have had busy schedules and cannot spare time to personalize their documents. It’s more practical, as you can imagine. First, it will save you money. In addition, it will save your time. Who cares about a lousy resume, do you think?

9. Be a perfect, walking cliche

But, don’t abandon the words and phrases like ‘excellent great,’ highly effective,’ ‘excellent communication abilities, and so on. They are precious, and most used and, thus, the most popular. These words can actually be a trigger for experienced HRs (just do not yawn at them).

10. Have a laugh and let loose

The best part is that you can freely express your humor. Nobody will get in the way when you write “Objective: To slay Superman’s muscles” or “Sex Please.” You could be hired in a flash, but only should it land in the hands of one in a million HR employees who are just a bit obsessed with a shoddy and unprofessional resume.

Nelson Mullins is a former executive recruiter and corporate hiring expert who writes regularly on resumes for writing resumes, personal development, and careers generally. He is the father of three and likes biking and photography. Nelson believes that, even as the world of work remains a constant competition for candidates and job seekers, it is vital to stay up-to-date with fresh ideas for sustaining career advancement and new opportunities.